Good Bye

I think a part of healing is saying goodbye to what is or has been hurting me. Memories, distrusts, betrayals and people who judged and persecuted me. I look back and think, these people never really cared for me in the first place, so why do I care what they thought then or think now? That was a real power boost for me. I had told my friend that they don't know me now and wouldn't unless I went to visit and showed them. What was I thinking? Why would I work so hard to kiss their asses still just to prove I am a good person as I was before? I had only made a bad choice and fixed it. If they couldn't see it then, then why do I care if they see it now? I don't!!!!! That poem off to the right of the page titled "Don't Judge" was meant for them and some others as well. So here is another one that is just for me!!!!



GOOD BYE!

Goodbye to the one that beat my ass, raped me and tried to kill me! No longer will I allow the memories of those horrific times control me, hurt me and surround me!!!
Goodbye to the monster and the hold that he has had over me even though he has been gone for many years!
Goodbye to the evil, monstrous man whose mere existence is the reincarnation of Satan himself, come find me again and I won't miss next time!
Goodbye to the terror and anxiety that the flashbacks produced, goodbye to the sadness and guilt. I control those, they will not control me!
Goodbye to the distrust and isolation, goodbye to lost feelings and hopelessness.
Goodbye to the low self esteem and self worth, goodbye to the self hate and self distrust!
Goodbye to the self loathing and worry, goodbye to the tears that I often cry.
Goodbye to those who sat in judgement of me and did nothing to help.
Goodbye to those who stood bye knowing I was lost and in pain and did nothing.
Goodbye to those who turned their backs and did not offer a shoulder for me to cry on or offer an ear to listen.
Goodbye to those who knew that I was falling fast and only spit words of judgement, sarcasm and evil towards and at me!
Goodbye to those who looked past their own faults, mistakes and sins to judge me!
Goodbye to those who really didn't know me and never will! May God bless them and keep them safe.

Unfortunately the memories will always be there, however, their hold and power over me will not. I am starting a new for myself and there is no looking back. It has been to long and I am only growing older. I am finally looking forward to my new future. As for those horrific memories, they are now only that monsters to keep, only his cross to bare. I am taking those memories and turning them into something positive for all to see. I am going to take those memories and share them with all and anyone who will listen. I am going to take those memories and change the laws. I am going to take those memories and shove them in his face and put him out their for all to see!!!! So everyone knows that the ugly monstrous head of someone who batters is the next door neighbor, a judge, a lawyer, a guy walking down the street, a neighborhood drug man, a construction worker, a police officer, a mayor, a doctor, a teacher, a postal carrier and even a legislator, a governor, and a senator. I am going to talk to police about domestic violence and judging. I am going to talk to them about not letting police work define them as officers and humanbeings, but for them to define the job of a police officer and set the bar of excellence and standards for others to follow!