Sounds crazy I know. It has been a little over three years and I still have flashbacks of some of the terrible moments and guilt over not being there for my son. Maybe it is because I have not received notice of the parole boards decision to grant or deny J's parole. I was told that it was not sceen as a chance for him to parole right now. However, he always gets out on parole. He is a habitual offender and a habitual parole and probation violater. I don't understand why he is not sitting in prison right now for the rest of his life with no chance of parole. For what he did to my son and I he should rot in a prison cell. If he gets out I will have to look over my shoulder for the rest of my life. I feel I have paid enough for my horrible decision to have a relationship with him. I have lost my career at one department, I have moved over three times, in which he found me, and my credit, selfesteem and self worth is shot. I have no more trust for people and I am afraid to love again. My son can not sleep at night, he has behavioral problems now that he did not have before. He has had to leave to stay with my sister and I feel like a complete failure at every thing.
So as I said in the beginning I have flashbacks or memories of such horrible attacks on myself and my son. He is truely a sick man that needs to be locked up for life. I fear he will end up killing me. I don't know what else to do.
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