In reading my story I realize it is just an over view of what happened. I live with the memories every day of specific incidents of violence that occurred that no one else knows.
I can see them in my head as if it happened only moments ago. I remember the first beating of being slapped and thrown around, screamed at and spit on. The second beating was a doozy, he did much of the same for a longer period of time calling me names and dragging me back down the apartment steps as I tried to escape to leave. My body falling and slamming down on each step as he dragged me. I screamed as if I was being murdered. My heart was pounding, my head was swimming and I was scared out of my mind. Then the police came and that was one of the last times I stepped into the police department. The day before was the last day I served as a police officer. My career was over. NO support from the department, just a planned termination. I realize now there was never any plan to help me or help me save my career. I was an embarrassment to the department and expendable as an officer. After all, I was only a female officer who chose to love the wrong person. Forget that they had several officers who were corrupt and committing crimes and violating policy and they were defended to the full hilt. I was not advised of my rights as a union member and what my choices were. I was not advised that I had 14 days after turning in my resignation to change my mind and pull the resignation. No one said a dang thing. In fact I remember my union president telling me I might want to think about resigning. The day I turned in my letter he told me ya know they had nothing on you. I was hurt, humiliated, embarrassed, emotionally spent, devastated, judged, ridiculed and just plane gone. I had just lost every thing and little did I know had not even hit bottom yet.
More specific incidents and feeling during those incidents to come..........................
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